Thursday, January 21, 2016

Baby's Arrival Has Offically Been Scheduled!

This morning I got the call, my C-section has officially been scheduled for March 11th. For me this phone call was bittersweet, on one hand I can't wait to see my baby boy but there's also the disappointment lingering from my inability to give birth naturally. I have to wonder how many other women there are out there like myself who are currently or have been plagued by similar thoughts and feelings. When me and my partner were initially discussing having a child together it never even occurred to me that any child we may have would come into this world any other route than the natural way. I also never imagined all of the complications that would come with it either. The doctors tell me to "stay positive" and try and "enjoy the experience", easier said than done.

The reason for my scheduled C-section is a fibroid tumour the size of a honeydew melon. To make things even more exciting my tumour is not only completely blocking the birth canal it's also positioned where a doctor would generally make the incision so I've been informed that they are going to need to "get creative", not the most encouraging words but I have faith in our hospital.

Friends and family are constantly asking me if I'm excited, if I'm prepared for baby and the truth of the matter is some days I am excited, some days I feel prepared but then there are other days where I'm absolutely terrified. Some days all I can think about is the giant scar that's going to be left behind, I consume myself with fears of things that could go wrong and yet I feel obligated to smile and put on a happy face because otherwise I feel like my ability to be a mother will be doubted.

I don't think anyone goes into their first pregnancy feeling completely prepared, I think there is a lot of pressure on women to paint pregnancy as this wonderful, spiritual experience when in reality sometimes pregnancy, to put it bluntly sucks. It can be scary, painful, depressing and no one can prepare you for that. I know there are other women who can relate to what I'm going through but it's like no one wants to talk about the unpleasant side, why that is I'm not sure but I think it's important which is why I'm sitting here writing this now so that maybe I can be of help to someone else.

Another fear I have is allowing motherhood to define me. I want this blog of focus on all of the things I love; fashion, beauty and cooking along with my journey into motherhood and a more frugal lifestyle. So, if you've made it here to the end of this post with me I thank you and hope that you will stick around and join me on this adventure chronicling all of the highs and lows.